The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
~Mahatma Gandhi
The mere idea of hate, holding grudges, blame, bitterness and resentment are the very things that deteriorate our self. And they are horrible for the physical body as well, can make us physically sick and mentally exhausted.
By letting go of these thoughts and emotions…once and for all…I am releasing myself from many burdens including the burden of judgment and the bond of resentment or bitterness. By letting go of these negative emotions and feelings, I release all the negative energy between me and that person. All of it! Gone! By forgiving…or letting go…I released two people. Me and the other person. It is the ultimate ‘liberation’. Setting free. Letting go.
We’re all vibrating energy. Every fiber of our being is energy. Every thing is energy. Infinite strands of energy! And all this energy is connected. Touching. Connecting. Some call it vitality, some call it Ch’i, some Prana, the Holy Spirit, Pneuma, Ruach, Spiritus, etc. All religions and practices believe in some kind of life force. And it really doesn’t matter what you name it…it’s there.
The funny thing is that years ago, I started practicing forgiveness. Let’s just say I had a couple of relatives who were either ‘not very nice to me’ or others…a little ‘brash’. One day, something in my mind just told me that these relationships weren’t healthy. (Maybe it was the heartburn when being in the same room). When leaving the situation I would be stressed for days. I would relive conversations in my mind getting upset all over again.
I finally got to the point of thinking to myself, ‘I am NOT going to let anything they say bother me’. They are who they are, I’m not going to change that. I am not condoning their behavior, I’m simply very aware of it and prepared for it. And at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter in respect to the person I AM. And that negative energy is left behind.
Accepting that the way this person conducted their life was completely independent of me. That their negative thoughts were not going to affect me and when I left their presence, I would also leave behind that negative energy. They are who they are and it’s not my job in life to change them. Their journey is separate from mine. Their issues are not my issues.
So I ‘forgave’ them. I set myself free from being bitter or offended. It’s not like I gave them a ‘free pass’, I just simply had the mindset that I would not let their energy affect me.
“Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them.
Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.”
~Sara Paddison
This takes a great deal of practice. It’s something I’ve developed over years and continue to work on. Constant reinforcement is required sometimes. And every now and again I run into someone who’s a bigot or doesn’t ‘practice what they preach’ and I have to go through the process of forgiveness all over again in my own mind. Usually I voice my concern to their reflections and words and let them know I see things differently, but ultimately I have to understand that they have their own process to work through and I let it go. I can still be friendly with these people, but I don’t have to come away feeling drained.
A good way to release someone or forgive someone is through a letter. Even if they are now dead. Write them a letter. Put it onto paper, get it out. Release it. Send it, keep it, burn it. Whatever helps you release them. (and your self). You could also talk directly to the person and voice your concerns. But again, alive or dead, a letter you never intend to send (or that you intend to burn) – or journaling your thoughts – is a great way. *You do not have to announce to the person that you forgive them. (In many times they won’t care or understand anyhow).
*If you have gone through something traumatic you might want to seek a therapist.
And equally as important, seek forgiveness for yourself. By learning to forgive others I’ve learned how to ask for forgiveness for myself. And more importantly to actually forgive myself. Humility and being humble is a wonderful character trait and building block to leading a spiritual life.
