Are You There God? It’s me, Sheila: My Evolution

Posted on February 22, 2012 by Sheila
(adapted from a post I ran in 2008 on a different blog)

You know God, it’s funny. I originally started a different blog in hopes I could add to our college fund for the kids, knowing that what we had already saved was wiped out on 9/11 and the latest economic down-slide.  Oh the blog ran google ads and ranted about everything.  Well, jokes on me God, that didn’t pan out. I didn’t hit it big like a tiny percentage does.

But it’s funny because in the process I’ve gained much more… I began to meet people through blogging.  Combine that with starting my own personal journey, everything suddenly started coming together.  (except the financial part, lol. )  I’ve met so many people from all walks of life, many countries and many religions.

Let me tell you about what I’ve learned about people since I’ve been blogging and how I’m applying this in my own life. You see, I’ve always been on a never-ending quest to ‘find myself’, to understand ‘the evolution of me’. What makes me tick, what makes me… me.   To sit in silence and know who is in my skin.  To learn about the world, the universe and in the process learn about me.  I’m glad so far that’s it is ‘never ending’, because if it ended… um… I guess that would mean I’d be… uh, dead. And I’m just too busy to die right now, I’ve got wayyyy to many things to do.

Thru blogging, I’ve met Christians, and Mormons, and Pagans, and Buddhists, Muslims, Agnostics and Jews (sounds like that one song about a puppet, a poet, a pauper, a pirate, a pawn and a king) Anyhow… I find it to be the most incredible experience to have been able to have crossed paths with all these different people.

Sooo many people that I otherwise would have never met in this lifetime. Some I find a common interest with, some nothing at all in common. Sometimes I find a laugh or shed a tear, feel consoled or try to console another. Other times I come across something I was just contemplating which makes it a bit strange, as if fate had pointed me in that direction.

I’ve seen the world through the beautiful eyes of these people, through their incredible lens, their wonderful hearts. It’s very uplifting. It’s as if we are all intertwined in some big ball of string sharing a turn at untying a knot.

From dealing with illness to disabilities to depression, people losing long time jobs and spouses going off to war. To see people who are living on the streets… well… suddenly… complaining about my heating bill seems stupid. I’ve learned that sometimes my trivial concerns are just that, trivial.

So here’s all these different people, that I know in real life, and ‘internet life’… and all these different beliefs and I just can’t help but wonder what your ‘take’ is on all this. I wonder how you feel about so many people believing so many different things, all in your name… believing they are the  ‘right ones’. I guess it’s sorta like parents having a bunch of kids and they all think that mom ‘likes them best’.

Now, for me, I was born into one religion, raised in another, and now…I’m feeling a lot like there isn’t one ‘right’ one. That everyone is somehow finding their way by taking a different path. We’ll all meet up in the same place in the end but how we get there is entirely up to the individual.  I completely admire people who have a deep devotion to their organized religions… yet for myself I’m going to take the path of looking more… within.

I guess the first step in ‘the evolution of me’ is to actually say that out loud.  I cannot fathom the idea that ANY of these wonderful people all over the world (or myself for that matter) are somehow ‘wrong’. I prefer to believe that we’re all right in some aspect and wrong in others. Who knows. (well, I mean, except You, of course)

I’ll tell ya God, it’s pretty cool that something so impersonal such as a computer… a cold piece of equipment… can bring the world together in such fine fashion. To mix and mingle and see people you would have never met otherwise. To be touched by and to touch others.

Blogging is a “b-e-a-utiful” thing!  And… if I find a part of ‘me’ along the way, that’s even more sweeter!  You can’t put a price tag on this experience.

That’s it for now,
~Sheila

Posted in are you there God? | 4 Comments

How The Zen Mama Became The Zen Mama

Posted on February 16, 2012 by Sheila

I’d like to welcome the beautiful and talented Betsy McKee Henry as my very first guest blogger at Zen-Sational Living! Welcome, Betsy! Betsy is a wife, mom, a preschool teacher, and the author of two great books (both of which I highly recommend) HOW TO BE A ZEN MAMA and THE ZEN MAMA’S BOOK OF QUOTES.  Okay… without further ado heeeere’s Betsy!

“If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?”
~ Shantideva

“If you can’t sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there and worrying. It’s the worry that gets you, not the loss of sleep.”
~ Dale Carnegie

If you don’t like something – change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.”
~ Mary Engelbreit

Back in 2009, I became a Zen Mama.

Back in 2009, my husband and I had just finished a challenging year with our children; grades had fallen and limits were being tested. The teenage years are not easy, as anyone with even one teenage child will tell you.

Being a positive and optimistic person, I tried to find the lessons in all of our experiences and understand where we had made mistakes. I couldn’t continue to be the person I’d become over the summer and the new school year. I was a frantic, nagging mother worried about my kids in this modern world with text messaging and Facebook and our demanding culture that wants them to be volunteers, super athletes and ivy league students. Yet at my job as a preschool teacher I felt more Zen-like, giving out “pearls of wisdom” to those overly concerned parents of my 3-5 old year kids. I decided at that point that I had my own life to live and I needed to let my children live their life. If I let go, maybe we’d all be happier. I decided to combine the two, the frantic mother and the Zen like teacher and become one, become a “Zen Mama”. I started writing to myself when I was up in the middle of the night worried, giving myself these “pearls of wisdom” like chapters in a book. This became my first book, HOW TO BE A ZEN MAMA.

What is a Zen Mama? She is a devoted mother who has tried to stop worrying, who has let go of the attachment of an outcome and in doing so has become closer to her children.

How do you stop worrying? Well, you don’t! You just change how you worry. You change your attitude. You don’t worry about the small stuff. You don’t worry out loud. (Nothing turns off a child more than too much worrying. It tells them you don’t accept them as they are.) Don’t worry about what others think. For instance, here’s some things you can stop worrying about:

• If your baby is still using a pacifier.
• When preschooler chooses his own clothes and he’s wearing plaid with stripes.
• If your elementary student doesn’t always do well in spelling.
• When you’re middle schooler’s pants are riding too low.
• If you sophomore in high school can’t decide where to go to college.

You may have real worries like speech problems, learning disabilities, illness or abuse problems. Seek professional help instead of worrying.
Solving your problems or working towards solving them will make your worry seem more manageable.

How do you let go? This is difficult! You’re so attached to your worry. It’s like a crazy making friend. You know you have to let go, yet your brain keeps thinking about the worry. Thinking makes it so. So the first thing you need to do is to pretend that you’ve let go. As Wayne Dyer says, “Change your thoughts, change your life.” Eventually your brain will believe your new thoughts, then finally you’ll see changes. Letting go of attachments and outcomes is a freeing thing.

How do you become closer to your kids? When you’re not worrying that their life is a mess, you stop criticizing and being mad at them. Slowly they feel that you’re trusting them more and they open up and want to be around you. It’s amazing and it does work.

By the way, being a Zen Mama doesn’t mean you don’t set limits. It doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you care but you’ve stopped being controlling. You’re not as attached to the outcome. It means setting limits with calmness, not anger and trust, not worry.

Try being a little more Zen! You’ll be happier and so will your kids.

HOW TO BE A ZEN MAMA is a book with 13 tips on how to stop worrying, let go and be closer to your kids. At the end of each chapter is a “Zen Mama Master” story to illustrate the chapter.

THE BOOK OF QUOTES contains a collection of quotes through the ages to help you on your life’s journey.

Available through Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Smashwords, and Zen-Mama.com 

Posted in guest posts, mind, stress | Tagged , , , | 18 Comments

Live A Better Life. Replacing Negative With Positive.

Posted on February 12, 2012 by Sheila

I have worked very hard over the last few years to become a positive person.  I have learned to appreciate every thing around me.  I am able to take in and process every aspect of life, and I enjoy unleashing my positive energy on everyone I am in contact with.  I have also learned to stop and enjoy life.  Whether it’s the big puffy clouds in the summer sky or the twinkling stars on a cool winter night; the peaks and valleys in the bark of a tree, or the melody of laughter filling the air.  In fact, the whole reason I wrote “Booyah! Spirit” in the first place, was to celebrate what I learned, and let everyone else know how to get there.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not all happy and positive every second of the day!  That would be creepy.  And unhealthy!   In fact, just last week I had a pity party for myself – complete with a a pound of cashews and a big giant candy bar, a bunch of balloons and party hats.  (Well, I didn’t really have balloons and hats, lol)  The difference between me NOW and the me years ago is that back in the day I would have held a thought or a feeling or something that bothered me – for a longggg time.  I would have coddled that negative energy.  I would have taken it shopping, let it hang around in the kitchen while I cooked, brought it to birthday parties, and held hands with it every moment of every day.  Yes, negative energy and I were best friends!

Eventually, I began to realize that I was hanging out with Negative Energy way too much.  It was beginning to become a bad influence on me, and I noticed that it was bringing other Negative Energy around too.  Pretty soon I noticed myself being drained, tired, stressed and unhappy.  It became abundantly clear that I needed to drop this friend and drop him fast.

I learned how to **detach, which simply stated means I learned to let myself experience my feeling, thought, or emotion – and then let it go. (of course, there is a process to learn this – see below **) I also learned how to deal with people who pushed my buttons, and I learned how to forgive (which is a huge part of moving past the negative things in life.  I talked about this in a previous post titled Forgiveness. A Powerful Release.  Making the transition from thinking negative to thinking positive is not at all as hard as one might think.  I can assure you in my case I was a person who pretty much lived according to Murphy’s Law;  I always waited for the other shoe to drop.  The point is no matter how “stuck” you are, you can always turn your attitude around and begin to understand and appreciate life – all life – in a completely new, exciting, and positive way.  In doing so you are able to be a stronger person and in turn have stronger relationships with other people in your life.

(**Smashwords has a certain percentage of my book Booyah! Spirit on a free preview, and the steps to learn how to detach are included in that!)

Posted in Body, reflection, spirit | Tagged , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Word of the Week: SILLY

Posted on February 8, 2012 by Sheila

Word of the Week: SILLY
To act in a funny, random, crazy, or goofy way.

My daughter and her college room mate trying on wigs

“The human race has only one really affective weapon and that is laughter.”
~ Mark Twain
.

Take some time to be silly every day.  It’s a great stress buster, a wonderful way to unwind, and the best way to laugh.  You might even discover that you were more fun than you thought.  Being silly is a natural way to relax and relieve bodily tensions.  It’s also contagious!  You will find that when your kids are being silly, it will make you smile — and probably make you want to be silly too (and visa versa)

I think when as we get older we tend to lose our silliness.  Juggling kids or a career (or both!) we might believe there’s “no time” to be silly.  Getting wrapped up in the troubles and decisions of every day life puts an incredible amount of stress on our body.  Being silly relieves that stress in a very natural, fun way.   So the next time you see someone being silly — instead of thinking “grow up” or “don’t you have anything better to do?” — go get your own silly on!

Laughter increases the flow of blood and helps the cardiovascular system, and the deep breathing you create during laughing helps the lymph system circulate.  When we laugh, our bodies release adrenaline, dopamine, and endorphins.   Laughter also helps our immune system believe it or not because it makes anti-bodies!  Your muscles will be relaxed up to an hour after a good long belly laugh.

So you see, being silly is good for you all the way around — mentally and physically!

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